Wagner's Poetry Publishers

This is an example of my new book "POOR PERSON'S PROSE POETRY" available now at www.ebay.co.uk

WORST BEST MATE EVER

If I dived in from a ten feet board, then he’s dived in from higher

He’s my best friend, but his competitiveness never seems to tire

Whatever I have done he has done it faster and better

I write a love note, so he wrote his girlfriend a letter

If I drink five beers, then he makes sure he drinks more

If I didn’t find it so funny, he would rapidly become a bore

But he’s a really witty guy who never fails to make me smile

But he’s got a new girlfriend, and I haven’t seen him in a while

So I gave him a ring and asked him “What was the matter?”

He told me his girlfriend was always sick and starting to get fatter

“Oh dear” I replied, “It sounds like you’re going to be a dad”

I then asked him why this was making him sound, just a little bit sad

It all happened on the night we went for a beer

He went home drunk with three friends; but they were all in good cheer

Well I’d told him that my girlfriend had recently slept with me

So to upstage me once again, he let his girlfriend sleep with all three!